We started this morning’s discussion on being bi in the workplace with a link to this Guardian article. I asked people if they were out as bi at work, what reactions they got, and what they thought their employers could do to support and proactively include bisexual employees.
One of the things that emerged pretty quickly was that gay-friendly workplaces aren’t necessarily bi-friendly workplaces. Biphobia, bi invisibility and bi erasure can come from lesbian and gay colleagues just as much as from straight ones. Even if colleagues know of past your past relationships with someone of a different gender to the person you are dating now, the assumption that it was “just a phase” is still too prevalent. Certainly in my experience it doesn’t help to have a staff LGBT network that only ever talks about lesbians and gays and that doesn’t even get the basics right (“bisexual”, not “bi-sexual”!).
A common frustration was that to be truly out as bisexual you have to educate people over and over again. In many workplaces now no one would bat an eyelid if you told them you were dating someone of the same sex, but the information that you are not monosexual still takes a while to sink in. You have to educate everyone you meet, and sometimes even educate the same people over and over again. The burden of educating everyone should never be placed on a single individual. An organisation truly supportive of bi employees should cover bi issues as well as other types of invisible diversity in their general diversity and inclusion training.
People felt awkward about the “mechanics” of coming out as bisexual at work, particularly if they were currently in an opposite-sex relationship. Referring to past same-sex relationships can sometimes do the trick – if you have them. Opinions were divided on casual chat, e.g. about “hot” male and female celebrities. Some felt this was sexist and objectifying, others thought it was a good way to break the ice. In my case, most of my colleagues know I’m in an opposite-sex relationship (and have been for longer than I’ve worked for the company), but I am very active in our LGBT network and my desk is covered in LGBT-branded posters, flyers and magnets. This generally does the trick in opening up a space for conversation.
Not being able to be out as bisexual sometimes meant that people were exposed to homophobia and biphobia by colleagues and employers. There were certain settings where people felt they had to pass, e.g. childcare. The overall environment in the company also made a difference to people’s willingness and ability to be out as bisexual – for instance the gender ratio of the work force, whether the company was big enough to have an LGBT employee group or whether you were quite literally the only QUILTBAG person in the village.
Quite a few people felt that their sexuality was private and saw no need to be out at work. Others felt that those able to be out should be, as that improved the environment for everyone. Someone remarked that the conversation made them feel like they should out at work. Ultimately, coming out in any context is a highly personal choice. It is, however, in all our interest for workplaces to be supportive and inclusive and create the kind of environment where we can make that choice freely and safely.
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