(*)The title of this blog post is taken from a (NSFW) tumblr.
I spent yesterday at Fem11, the feminist conference organised by UK Feminista. It was great to be in a room with a thousand other feminists, and you know your event is successful when the hashtag on Twitter attracts both trolls and spammers. Sessions at the conference covered a wide variety of subjects, from violence against women, through abortion and the plight of asylum seekers. As usual, I wished there were two of me so I could attend more of the sessions.
There were a few themes through the day, but the one that really struck me was around sexualisation, objectification and the sex industry. The opening session had Cllr Rania Khan speaking about her campaign against lapdancing clubs, Isabella Woolford Diaz telling us about tackling lads’ mags in Tesco, and Bjorn Suttka introducing the Anti-Porn Men Project. The absolutely packed workshop on ending violence against women covered a lot of ground, including exploring the role of sexualisation and objectification of women in creating an environment conducive to violence against women.
A session by campaign group Object showcased their campaigns against lapdancing clubs, lads’ mags, demand for prostitution, Page 3 and Miss World. Some of these were highly satisfying. There is something inspiring about a representative of the lads’ mags industry being intellectually floored on live television by Object’s extremely articulate campaign manager Anna van Heeswijk.
During Feminist Question Time, we were told by Matt McCormack Evans (founder of the Anti-Porn Men Project) that a feminist future could not exist with the sex industry. Thundering applause from a thousand feminists followed.
Yet I find this debate somewhat one-sided. One or two voices suggested alternatives. One woman brought up the subject of women working in the sex industry by choice. This was not addressed – we were just given more statistics about the women who are forced to work there. Another audience member posed the question of what impact the closure of some lapdancing clubs following stricter regulation would have on the women working there. This was met with yet another explanation of the terrible working conditions for women in these clubs. Yet in no other industry would we see appalling working conditions and campaign for the entire industry to be shut down. We would campaign for those working conditions to improve.
To me, the objectification debate as presented yesterday at Fem11 seems to miss the point. Sex is not the enemy. Heck, porn isn’t even the enemy. As you may have spotted if you followed the link to the tumblr this post takes its title from, porn doesn’t have to objectify and exploit women. Just as it’s possible for pornography to promote objectification, it can also promote values like respect, consent, safety, pleasure and joy.
The issue we face is much bigger, and when we strike at pornography or lapdancing clubs or lads’ mags, we are only striking at expressions of a bigger underlying problem, cutting off the hydra’s head so it can grow two new ones. The issue is that objectification and exploitation of women is the only socially and culturally sanctioned expression of sexuality – for both men and women. Take a step back. Read that sentence again. Think about it. It’s important.
If we truly want a feminist future of gender equality and respect, we can’t start with pornography and lads’ mags – we have to start with the romantic comedy which teaches us, before anything else does, that the only sex that “counts” is penis-in-vagina sex where the man has an orgasm. More to the point, we can’t just fight against things we don’t want – we have to create a positive vision of what we do want. We have to establish a space, an environment, a culture where men and women can explore and express their sexuality free from gender norms, social expectations and moralising. As @feorag put it, sex negativity is as objectifying as the current social norms: humans have emotions and feelings, and lust is one of them. We can’t replace one type of objectification with another. We can’t just have half the debate.
We freak out about the message pornography and lads’ mags send to children and young people about sex and relationships between men and women. In many cases, this message is truly harmful. What we need to do is give young people the tools to engage with and question that message. We need to enable them to explore their own sexuality, find what feels right for them, escape the limiting social norms they are currently presented with. We need to give parents and teachers the tools to help young people do this. We need to create safe spaces – not just for young people but for all of us – where sexuality can be discussed in an open and honest way, without fear of being judged. We need to make information available to help people separate fact from fiction when it comes to sexuality.
Some of this work is already happening. Brook do an amazing job engaging with young people on the subject of sex, sexuality and sexual health. Blogs like Sex Is Not The Enemy challenge our perception both of pornography and of the socially acceptable expressions of sexuality. Shops like Sh! provide a safe space for women to engage with their own sexuality, light years away from the unimaginative exhibitionism of Anne Summers or the seedy places from which men emerge looking shifty and carrying non-descript paper bags.
We need to welcome work like this into the mainstream of feminism. We need to have the other half of the debate. If we do not, we are making it more difficult to achieve our objective of gender equality, and we are actively harming women, men and young people who are trapped by the objectifying, exploitative socially acceptable expressions of sexuality.
Fascinating, brave post. Superb.
I would thoroughly agree with everything you wrote there.
PJW
I completely agree with you. Feels encouraging to have a female feminist express views like these, I’ve expressed views like this (perhaps not as well) in the past and been made to feel like a misogynist.
You should look up the origins of the word, ‘pornography’. It means ‘ the graphic depiction of whores’. How can such a thing ever be ‘sex positive’?
Ugh! Actually, I can’t believe I used the term ‘sex-positive’ I immensely dislike this word as it is often used as a tool to silence those who are opposed to pornography and prostitution. We are ‘against’ sex or ‘sex negative’ because we challenge and oppose the inevitability that both will always exist and that there are many women who “choose” to work in these ‘industries.
Prostitution pornography are forms of economic slavery, plain and simple. Slavery is morally and ethically wrong, as is prostitution and pornography. Yes, sure there are some ‘happy hookers’ who claim they have ‘chosen’ ‘careers’ in these ‘industries’ Just like there were slaves in the 19th century who claimed they preferred living a life of slavery as their masters treated them kindly and their housing and food was provided for them. But, as I am sure we can agree, regardless of how slaves were treated (some well, some not so well), most people in the modern world would NEVER say they support the institution of slavery. Again, because we now all agree it is *morally and ethically wrong.
So…. long story short. I believe the women you met who are promoting the abolition of pornography and prostitution probably feel the same way as I do- that pornography and prostitution is like slavery- morally and ethically wrong and there is no such thing as a ‘positive kind’.
* Please note that when I use the term, ‘moral’, I do not mean it in the religious sense; I mean it in the human rights/dignity sense.
P.S.
IF you have time, please, please, please take the time to read some of Meghan Murphy (a fellow feminist)’s blog about the prostitution/pornography debate. She is able to articulate perfectly all the thoughts, feelings (and frustrations) I (and many of abolitionists) have regarding this issue.
http://www.feminisms.org/category/prostitution-2/
Thank you for your comments and the link – both are appreciated.
What’s your vision for how we as a society should relate to sex and sexuality?
Hi, no problem. I hope you enjoy!
Um, well… it’s a very complex question you just asked, but I will try to simplify…I think sex and sexuality should be something that is free from exploitation and com modification. I think sex should be about desire, but the desire should be felt by both ‘parties’ involved, not just one. With prostitution, desire is one-sided. The prostituted woman wants the money, not the man. I think when people have sex, they should see e/o as full human beings, not just objects to ejaculate into/onto. This does not mean you have to love the person you are having sex with, but you should respect them, be mindful of their needs, wants,and their own desire for pleasure; they are not just there to service you.
The kind of sex/sexuality that is the norm in our society is prepackaged, manufactured, artificial, male-centric garbage. Get rid of capitalism and patriarchy and you will have a society with a more healthy, egalitarian view of everything- including sex & sexuality.
Thanks for a thoughtful response!
The kind of sex/sexuality that is the norm in our society is prepackaged, manufactured, artificial, male-centric garbage.
Now re-read that sentence I bolded in my post. We are saying exactly the same thing.
Here’s the next question: How do we get from here to where you want to get to (which isn’t that far off from where I want to get to, BTW)?
Hi Milena,
I do think we agree on a lot of things! Perhaps I was slightly confused about your article?!? What mostly jumped out at me were the 5th and 6th paragraphs- the parts about women who “choose” to be involved in prostitution and the statement that “porn is not the enemy”. (I also do not really like the terms sex-positivity and sex- negativity for the reasons I explained in my previous post.) As I have also already explained, I am against both prostitution and pornography, and I think it is essential to continue to question and critique both…
Creating an alternative vision and reality of sex and sexuality is important, I agree. But I think we will never get there unless we also point out how harmful and toxic prostitution and pornography are to women. In the mainstream, rather than seeing the questioning and critiquing of these industries, I find they are becoming more and more accepted, EVEN amongst feminists and this ALARMS me! I think the state of feminism is currently under serious threat.
Therefore, I think it is a normal reaction for many feminists to be on the defensive. Unfortunately, since the 70s, we’ve lost ground and we have to regain it again before we can once again progress to take new territory.
Anyway, I would like to discuss this topic further, but am out of time right now…will add more later!
Take care,
Krista
P.S. Is your organization based in London? I recently moved here and am interested in becoming more involved in local feminist groups and organizations.